Sunday, September 5, 2010

Playing Hopscotch in the Dating age 56.

Is Dating different in middle age?

YES...indeed it is. Well at least for this woman.

I must admit I was nervous, I haven't accepted too many requests for a date in the past 5 years or so.

I had no idea what to expect, and was considering cancelling the whole idea.

I mean, who needs the angst?

Then I sat for a while, to figure out just what it was I was nervous about.

I admit I had to laugh at myself, here I was age 56 and nervous about going out on a date. Ridiculous, right? Right?

Okay...maybe not so ridiculous after all.

I had done all my normal stuff when meeting a guy.
1. Police check.
2. FBI check.
3. Medical history check.
4. Family tree check.
5. Married already check.
6. If not married already...why not? check.
7. Lives with mother by choice check.
8. Loves animals check
9. Can speak some English check.
10. Not currently in witness protection check.
11. Has children/no children check
12.Knows how to read check.
13. Born in the same century as I was check
14. Breathing check
15. on Facebook check.

Just a few simple little safety precautions...perfectly normal...check. Er...well, hmmm.

I had met the guy {Hereinafter referred to as um- the guy!} through mutual aquaintances. Aquaintances, not close friends, I don't have enough of those to risk losing any.

He was easy on the eyes, and not hard on the listening devices either.
Single, [read divorced] around my age [ see helped build the Ark] and interested in me [see he needs help]

Okay, I enjoyed his company in a mixed group. At the end of the evening I said "G'night all" and went home. So, that was around a month or so ago.

You may recall I received a bouquet of flowers around that card. No I was intrigued.

It was a unique thing in my experience to receive something so lovely with no apparent strings attached.

Ten days ago I received another bouquet, Singapore orchids again...this time with a card. So whoever was sending them at least knew how to dictate a note to a florist person.

The card said and I quote..."Delicate and beautiful." I kid you not. So I figured that whoever sent them was sight impaired for starters. Unless they were simply describing the orchids.

I placed them where I could enjoy seeing them all day, racked my tiny brain trying to figure out who the hell had sent them...contacted the florist again-- they are not permitted to tell who sent what to whom or why.

I got a phone call last week, unfortunately I was a little down in the dumps at the time so perhaps was not terribly enthusiastic to take the call at all. My aquaintance/friends invited me over for a bar-b-que,
I accepted.

The guy from the first visit was there again. He was attentive, but not overly so, which I liked. We talked, shared a few drinks...some laughter, you know the usual...yadda yadda...well perhaps not all the usual stuff: come to think of it some of the conversations were quite interesting.

Long I'll give you the readers digest version-- he was sitting next to me, and a couple of others in a small group. Laughter, etc. One of the girls was yacking away about bikini waxing which I found incredibly boring, the guys were all doing the "Ouch why would do that to yourself routine" as if they didn't know that the girls who where talking about it did it to be more attractive--I excused myself headed in for another JD. The guy followed me in to the bar area...more chats, then he said, "Did you enjoy the flowers?"

Mystery solved.
I asked why. He answered with "So we could have this conversation."
I was intrigued...hell be honest Soooz, I was flat out gobsmacked and impressed as all hell and that doesn't happen often to me where the opposite gender are involved.

So, he asked me on a date...I accepted.
Then I spent the next three days wondering what the hell i had accepted for, constantly about to pick up the phone and say I'd changed my between scouring my wardrobe for something to wear, and trying to figure a way to calm down.

I was being ridiculous. This was not my usual way of approaching a date.

I am normaly calm, and have simple expectations of the date to come. I look forward to it sure I do, but not to a degree that alters my perceptions of myself.

Suddenly I was a bundle of nerves, trying out different hairstyles and hating all of them. Trying different make up {Which I don't normally wear much of...nailpolish being the exception.}

The venue for the date was a lovely little restaurant that I had been longing to try, however it was not the sort of place I would have attended alone. A Japanese restaurant complete with bridges over carp filled ponds.

The time for "the Guy" to pick me up drew near...I was in a fine old state. Nervous as hell...

I wouldn't have believed myself capable of behaving like a jittery teenager.

He greeted me at the door and handed me into the car. I had no bloody idea what the hell I was doing there, and couldn't think of a single thing to say.

He gave me this goofy grin and said, "I'm as nervous as a kid on his first date." I laughed...

What a lovely, relaxed and memorable evening it was.

So as a wrap up...this dating thing is just as nerve wracking for the other party as well. Each person is setting themselves up for a possible "Ouch" situation.

It doesn't matter what age you are, ultimately we are all vulnerable.
How wonderful to share an evening with someone that allowed me to see that he was just as vulnerable as I.


  1. Sooz,

    I'm 52 and I know what you mean. After being married for 20 years, then divorced, I had forgotten some things. Naturally, I went to bars to meet women, as I had before my marriage. I vaguely remembered that it was the worst place to meet women then. Of course it still was.

    I did hook up with a couple of nutjobs recommended through friends. It's hard for me as a man to admit--but the sex wasn't worth the drama after a few go's. I considered a monastery--near a nunnery with a secret tunnel linking the two. I tried that but I never got past the beer cellar. Probably for the best.


  2. Ahh, Bob...yes my friend...kinda like building a detox next to a retox..Life can be such a four letter word.

  3. Found you via the hop, I'm a new follower!


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