So, Lets talk about SEX baby!

So, let’s talk about SEX, baby.

Those of you that know me are well aware that my mind goes off on on some fairly (Ok, Really) weird and often offensive tangents. Blame it on the weather, water supply, narcotics … or just sixty-one years of observation and a whole lot of laughter. For those of you fortunate enough not to have made my acquaintance, run while you still can.

With that in mind, (Mine not yours) I ask you to picture this …

A young couple have been texting each other for a few weeks, they finally meet face to face and phone to phone and decide that it’s time they took their relationship to another level.

Yeah! THAT level.

Anyways, after they decide whose apartment is closer using the google map app-and knowing they can order in using Menu-log they head off for an evening of friends with benefits. Or SEX as we called it back when writing was done on papyrus.

His apartment wins by 2.5 miles. It smells of unwashed socks and a fully loaded kitty-litter tray … but in the heat of passion, she doesn’t notice.

No pre-emptive romantic stuff. The clothes are off, the bodies stripped of designer label concealment … and so it begins.

Oh, did I mention that they are both clinging tightly to their cell-phones? No! Well, trust me, they are.

He kisses her, gazes into her eyes and waits … his phone buzzes.

The text message reads,“Hm, that was nice.”

She smiles and kisses him in return. And, waits.

“Yes. Your skin smells great.”

He moves his free hand lower and strokes her. And…yeah, he waits.

“OMG.”

Taking that as a sign that things are moving right along he proceeds further …

She texts …“Can u take a selfie of my face, while I’m, you know?  Then the waiting thing again.

”Like, that’s such a cool, idea. U take one of me too?”

You know the drill.

 “Wow, I’ll bet we are the first people in like ever that have done this.”

From here on I’ll just type the initial W for the waiting thing.

W.

“Yeah.”

She texts. “Um, who first? (SERIOUSLY!)

W.

“I like think it better be u. Cause, u know, if I do then I can’t get a selfie of you while you do.”

W.

“Oh. Lol. Yeah.”

W.

“Is it good?”

W.

“Amazing. I think You can take that selfie anytime now.”

W.

She texts again. “Did you get it?”

W.

“Sure did.”

W.

“Show me.”

He holds the phone to her  …

W.

“OMG! I’m like, wow, happy.”

W.

“My turn?”

W.

“Yeah, but can u make it like really fast, my phones almost out of charge.”

W.

“Oh, Ok. I’ll tell u when.”

W.

W.

W.

“Now.”

W.

“So, like, was it ok?”

W.

“Yeah! Take a look at the selfie.” She holds the phone to his face.

W.

“Wow. I feel like we really connected, u know. Can I C U again?”

W.

“This could be something um … special, like … really special, yeah?

W.

W.

“Yeah.”

And so dear reader, the young um … lovers, exchange last names. Via text of course. This being the equivalent of taking her home to meet mom and dad. I’m so grateful that she didn’t text him “Is it in yet?”

That would have been a real mood killer, right?

OMG … is that the time?  My man is on his way over, and my phones not charged.