“Whoa, momma! Shut your eyes and hold that phone."
"It’s enuff to make me be weepin’ with joy, and leapin’ to conclewshuns!
"Bro’ when Momma told me yo had yourself an allie I was spectin’ sumpin' good. I didn’t have any idea that you was callin’ in the big guns. Why, she got more hidden weapons of massive suctshun on her, than the whole United States Marine Corp.
"Butt-munch’s drinkin’ buddies calls her ‘Mountains of Madness’ or ‘Heaven in a D cup’.
"Now I still ain’t sure zackly what that means, it gets a might confusin’.
"Cause ol’Butt-munch calls her other stuff, mostly it’s ‘Oh--baby, and sometimes it’s ‘Ooooh baaaby’, and if'n he is feelin real genrus it's ‘Baby-baby-bay-yaaay-beee' I's startin' to wonder if she ain't part of an eyedentikel litter of three.
"All I knows for certin, is that she comes on over every time Mrs. Butt-munch goes off to work.
"Now near as I can figers it she be Butt-munch’s Spiritshul advisa, cause every time she visits, he starts in on callin’ her name out in all them diffrunt ways, and then that religus layin’ on of hands stuff happens.
"Man, they lay them hands on all over the place.
"I heard her and Butt-munch when they was havin' one of them religus eckspeareansus just the other day, ‘Oh-baby’ was givin’ him his regular religus destrukshun lesson’s. And they was prayin’; well leastways she was on her knees. Butt-munch was overcome by that ol’ spirit and he was cryin’ out like a voice in that wildaness place, “Oh Dear God, I’m comin’!”
"Near as I can figers it it musta been one of them Devine Interuptshun thingy’s, cause how can that damn fool be comin’ when his ass is already here?
"If Mrs. Butt-munch finds out about this he won’t be in no heaven no how, she’ll kill his broke-ass dead, and sends him to that other place where it’s a damn sight hotter .
"I think they calls it Miami.
"Bro’ of mine, you is the thinkinest critter in this litter!
"You is the king.
"You and me is gonna rule this town!
"Cause looks to me like you got ol' Butt-munch by the balls.
"Again! "
What a great way to start my day, first with a smile, then with an outright belly-laugh. Staring at the pic, all of them, but the kitty snoozing? That did it - oh and the writing rocks as well.
ReplyDeleteYou is crazy, you is Soooz ;-)
ReplyDeleteIn a good way, I mean x
ReplyDeleteHilarious. I love it. Great voice and lots f fun to read. I will be back on the A-Z. Love your blog by the way. Love the ocean.
ReplyDeleteHaha this was hilarious. Funniest post I read today. Not to mention the aaaa, yeah that's some fine, mountainous eye candy!
ReplyDeleteNice blog!
Great Gatsby - but that picture is wonderful. And I love the voice you carried through this and the previous pieces. Excellent fun.
ReplyDeleteNow, don't disturb the kitty. Kitty claws can be sharp!