“Yo, bro, I got that phone-thingy on them talkin’ speaker things.
“I hopes you got that thing plugged in your ear so you can hears me.
“All righty then, we is cookin’.
“I has gotcha back bro’, I is not gonna let that big ol’ Butt-muncher take you anywhere’s near no damn Vet Hospital. He made one humongous mistake messin’ with this kitty litter.
“Man what is wrong with that guy? He’s gotta know you has never been to a war. Vet hospital my pretty-grey-ass, he’s just gonna take you out in that alley an test out that ol’ nine lives bull-shit!
“But you needn’t worry your sweet self bro, ‘cause I knows just what to do, I been watchin’ that boxy thing and I got it figured.
“So you just keep playin’ along and smilin’ it up. Soon as you is in the clear I’m gonna send him to the happy huntin’ ground, boot hill, punch his ticket, he’ll be pushin’ up daisies, stiff as a board, dead as a door nail…
“Oh shit, I is just gonna shoot that mean ol’ ugly sucker’s broke-ass dead. Riga’d with mortis, finito, kaput, outta there!
“I is gonna go ahead and make his day, before he makes his breakfast.
“Now you tell ol’ Butt-Munch there to come on over by the window and look up here, yeah here I is up on the top floor...
“Yo, Mr. Smarty-ass! Yeah that’s right, here I is, now this here’s what you call a gun! Fat boy!”
“What the…! Damn it all to hell, momma! What is you doin’ here?”
“Hang loose a sec bro’, momma’s up here and she be carryin’ on fit to bust!
“Don’t you be movin’, even an inch down there Butt-munch, this here gun aint goin’ nowhere”
“Say what? Momma, you has gotta be jokin’”
“Holy shit! Bro this is worser than I thunked, momma just told me what they is plannin’ on doin’ to you over at that vet place.”
“They ain’t gonna kill your ass, but they may as well.
“Man you gonna be purrin’ in soprano, knittin’ with the girl’s, listenin’ to Streisand, wearin’ your fur in curls.
"You is gonna be watchin’ them ‘Desperate housewives’ havin’ ‘Sex in the city’, and exchangin’ recipes.
"You’ll be blowin’ kissy-kissy to the air, and sayin’ let’s do lunch.
"Hell you won’t be sure who to cheers for when you is watchin’ ‘Will and Grace’.
" I luvs’ ya Bro, but I don’t needs another sister. Now listen up cause here’s the biggest twister, when you all has Ice-Cream guess whose nuts will be crushed on top?”
“Damn is you getting what I’s sayin’, we could really use some help, I’d tried ringin’ the right people, but I guess we’s out of luck, cause, Good ol’, John Wayne, bless his heart, he ain’t round no more.
"Big Arnie’s busy Polly tickin.
"John-Claude Van what’s-his-face, doesn’t give a damn.
"An ol’ Sly Stallone, well his too busy makin’ Rocky 23.
"That Asian fella, who kicks ass, ain’t yet got back to me.
"And my hero Denzel’s in Washington havin’ dinner, in that big white place on Pencil-vein-ya avenue.
“Damn it, momma; what you doin’ back! No! I won’t puts down the gun.”
“Yes, I am a listenin’ but you better make it fast, cause I wanna gets to shootin', his mean ol’ ugly ass.”
“Momma, says you has a plan bro’… you better make it good, cause I isn’t flea’n this flea circus till I has done my job.
“Momma says you done got yourself an ally, that ol’ Butt-Munch won’t dare to cross. Well he better be real mean and tuff, or Butt-munch will kick his ass.
“So hurry up an shows me. I is getting’ mighty twitchy here.
"Come on over to the window, so I can sees you clear."
To be Contd......................
Oh dear, this can't end well. :-)
ReplyDeleteI love it, it's a fun read and the voices are wonderful.
Oh, little kitty!
ReplyDeleteAnother crazy A-Z Challenge Fool
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